What a surprise, the liberal Marxists in the game development world have once again bastardized a prominent female icon by whacking her over the head with the ugly stick of progress and modernization.
This time however it’s a bit special, Lara Croft has always had her haters since the spawn of Tomb Raider way back in 1996, Lara Croft, a fictional character quickly exploded in popularity and became an icon, appearing as a cameo in countless real world product advertisements throughout the 90’s.
The Tomb Raider franchise like most others quietly fell out of relevance as time went on with games dropping in quality and the rise of other more interesting and unique games usurping the throne left by Core Design.
The 2013 reboot was a breath of fresh air, at least for the moment before Square Enix caught onto the fact that they actually managed to produce a single game without losing money, so they milked it, them alongside Crystal Dynamics butchered the following titles: Rise of the Tomb Raider and Shadow of the Tomb Raider resulting in Square Enix selling the Tomb Raider IP it had acquired along with Crystal Dynamics for pennies on the pound to the Embracer Group for a few hundred million dollars.
Lara Croft was always stigmatized as a sort of sex symbol or icon of misogynism, these claims however mostly came from women who simply weren’t as attractive as a fictional character, who constantly evolved and was redesigned over the years but throughout the Tomb Raider franchise it would be a bit of an understatement to say that she was always somewhat attractive.
Simply because she is a woman, a feminine woman, which is basically the worst enemy of wannabe communist gamers and game development companies in the current year, because of course an attractive woman is basically sexism, why would you want to play a game where female characters actually look like attractive women?
“Just go watch porn” as they always say, but I prefer the term “progress has been made”.
Anyways I’ve lost track, Call of Duty is another one of those franchises to have reinvented itself in recent years, with the release of Modern Warfare taking a radical new approach to boots on the ground it had capitalized upon the rubbish sub-genre of “battle royal” with its Warzone game mode.
COD Warzone is a free-to-play aspect of the Call of Duty Modern Warfare 1/2 reboot, filled to the brim with children and soy-infused man children alike, naturally the game is chock-a-block full of heinous microtransactional cosmetic items so you can flex your “swag” as you’re gunning down kids in the cyberspace.
Like most other battle royal games, especially Fortnite, they employ microtransactional content where you can change your characters appearance to those featured in-game or even other fictional franchises, while you cannot play as your favorite Marvel character in Warzone you can at least pug on kids with an anime inspired dubstep gun, for a small fee of course.
So why did I go from Lara Croft to Call of Duty and the demise of femininity in the video game industry? Well, Embracer are already hard at work milking their latest IP to destroy by peddling Lara Croft as an “operator” for Call of Duty in September.
That’s right kiddies, for a small financial payment you’ll soon be able to “drop in” on Warzone with….. Lara Croft or at least someone who vaguely looks like Lara Croft, possibly one of the worst cases of cosplay that I’ve ever seen because this goes beyond simple unattractive character design.
Apart of Season 5’s Reloaded content you can pickup this horrific depiction of Lara Croft, which comes with three in-game weapon blueprints, including the pry axe featured in the 2013 reboot, the so called “mystic defender” submachine gun and her trademark dual wielded M1911 pistols.
And also for those who simply couldn’t give less of a fuck, there’s the “chop top” Tomb Buggy vehicle skin.
Let’s just take a moment to breath and to take it all in, Lara’s latest and most horrifying design yet versus her design from the 2013 Reboot. Just fucking wow, she is absolutely hideous and barely representative of a feminine woman, but at least on the plus side is that Activision brought back Keeley Hawes, Lara Croft’s voice actor from 2006’s Tomb Raider: Legend to 2008’s Tomb Raider: Underworld to voice her, so there’s at least some sort of silver lining.
But quite frankly her design has been lobotomized to favor the wokies and sensitive gamers of today and for a game as rubbish as Call of Duty? Activision can stick this garbage up their ass.
Lara is dead.
